we have pet lesbian snakes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
