So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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