The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My balls are so social today.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize