wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
