he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
not ubering you a puppy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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