If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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