you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
