I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize