there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
