I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Who wears a wallet chain?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
