someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
