if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
