Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
