I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
