Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
