Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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