Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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