he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
