Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's shark week go big or go home
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
