I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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