I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
