uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize