I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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