lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
