it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I smell like Dick and happiness
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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