Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
