yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize