I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
