This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This house was built for laser tag.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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