Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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