She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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