You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
