Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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