Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
