the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
