Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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