and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
