when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
