have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
