So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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