I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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