You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
