Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
