that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
