Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
