Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
