I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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