I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
