I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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