How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
