I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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