So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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