You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
