she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
