This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
