I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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