i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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