i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Walk of Shame today included voting.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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