the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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