I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
