Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
