I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
