and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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