Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
birth control should be required to get into college
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
