Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
