All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
