I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
