you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
