at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
