I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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