1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
