my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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