You're my little dorito
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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