can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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