All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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