You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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