I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
