Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
