I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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