I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize