And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
