The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
