bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
