Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so let's talk penis.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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