the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
