planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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