I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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