can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
