If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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