Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
