So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
