there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
