Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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