He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
