Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize