Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Let's get the cat blown out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
