Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
