I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
